Challenging a one-size-fits-all mindset, I, Sam Kaufman, invite listeners on a journey through the complexities of human effort and prioritization in this edition of Never Stop Building. When I took the stage in St. Louis, I peeled back the layers of the oft-repeated maxim "how you do one thing is how you do everything," and emerged with a fresh, nuanced perspective. Unpack this with me as I use personal stories ranging from my disciplined fitness regime to my heartfelt moments with family, underlining the importance of bespoke approaches to the diverse areas of our lives.
This conversation goes beyond simple motivational talk, as I emphasize the necessity for internal shifts before we can expect to triumph externally. Every commitment on our schedules serves as a mirror to our true values. By engaging in this episode, you'll come away with a richer understanding of how to align your effort quality with the gravity of your ambitions, and why excelling in one sphere doesn’t guarantee across-the-board success. Tune in for an honest dialogue about showing up as your best self in the arenas that matter most.
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Welcome to Never Stop Building, where we discuss all things business, growth and leveling up to become the most elite version of yourself. We're here to challenge fear and shatter doubt. Let's dive in what's up, everybody. Welcome back to Never Stop Building. I'm your host, sam Kaufman. As always, super happy, super grateful to be here talking to you today.
Speaker 1:
Today's episode is going to be good, I think, for a few reasons. One, I talked about this a little bit last week during a keynote I was giving in St Louis for Adam McChesney's Builders of Authority event. And two, I just think it's going to. I have had this particular topic in my mind for a long time and I haven't figured out exactly how to articulate it. And I think I finally figured out how I want to articulate it. So you guys and gals are getting the first rendition of trying to articulate this.
Speaker 1:
But really, the message here is how you do one thing is not how you do everything. How you prioritize is how you show up. What you prioritize is what gets your energy and attention and focus, but how you do one thing is not how you do everything. I have always despised that phrase and I don't really have an explanation as to why I couldn't articulate what I didn't like about it. I couldn't quite put my finger on it. What I realized is most people don't do everything the same way. What people do is they operate at a very high level what they prioritize. You might be thinking to yourself okay, well, what about people, sam, who do nothing let's talk about, maybe like depression or loneliness or anxiety, for that instance, and people who avoid doing things. So we have people with the absence of doing anything. Yeah, same concept. They are prioritizing the depression, the anxiety, the isolation, the loneliness. Meaning that's getting their energy, attention and focus. Meaning that's where the priority is, meaning that's what's getting the most attention. Meaning I know it sounds like a big circle, right, because it is Meaning that's what's being operated at at a high level.
Speaker 1:
We often forget that, like when we are giving attention to negative things, we're still often operating at a pretty high level in the negative thing. When you're drinking too much right, I've been in recovery for 10 and a half years. It would be 11 this year, god willing but when you're drinking or using drugs, you are prioritizing drinking and using drugs. You're giving your energy, attention and focus to drinking and using drugs. You are drinking and using drugs at a high level. You are high performing in a shitty situation, right, and so I think we just often, how you do one thing is how you do everything is just such a silly, overused phrase and term. I think it's what you prioritize is what gets the most of you. That's what I think is better. What you prioritize is what gets the most of you, and so the reason like and I'll give my own experience in my own life as an example the way I work out is not the way I parent my kids.
Speaker 1:
The way I parent my kids is not the way that I'm married to my wife. The way that I'm married to my wife is not the way that I coach my clients. It's not the way that I sell prospects. Does that make sense? And I know you could easily, and kind of maybe almost too easily say well, yeah, like you give 100% to. Yeah, I get that, I get, you give 100%. What it is.
Speaker 1:
What I mean, though, is like how I work out. It's a tense, it's aggressive, it's super laser focused. It's very like don't talk to me, don't? I don't really like. I'm not like the guy hanging out laughing, joking in the gym. I like to get my work at it. I like to make it hard, I like to make it quick. I say quick, it's like 80 minutes typically. But that's not how I hang out with my kids in the evening. I like to have a smile, I like to laugh, I like to be gentle, right, it's also just not how I discipline my kids right, and so, like I don't discipline my kids with like workout aggression Do you know what I mean and I don't show up for my wife.
Speaker 1:
The way that I hang out with my kids, necessarily they're still like the laugh, but there's also some more seriousness and some more openness to listen and communicate and converse, because my wife's not a child and, like my children aren't adults and my gym time isn't the same as my work time and I don't do everything the same way. What I do, what I prioritize, gets the most of me, what I prioritize gets the best version of me, what I prioritize right. And so, like I just and that's where I'm like man like you can struggle in an area that you're prioritizing and not struggle in another one, and so I can show up for my wife at 100% and have a week where I'm struggling eating on my meal plan, just cause I'm struggling eating my meal plan does not give me the excuse to go show up. Less of myself for the other things, because I'm having an off week. In one category and that's why I really hate that phrase is I just feel like it becomes inadvertently an excuse, where almost an excuse when we're not showing up, and then an ego trip when we are, and cause like on the flip side, just cause I'm crushing it over here doesn't mean I'm crushing it.
Speaker 1:
How many times have you been on your way home? You had a killer day at work. You hit the gym in the morning. You're like man, nothing could bring me down. You get home and 20 minutes later your spouse is like hey, we have to talk. You have been fucking up this, this, this, this and this. You've given me an attitude. You've been distant. I guarantee everybody listening to this is how that happened. You're riding this high roller coaster. You come home and all of a sudden this or you're at home and you're like man, what a great weekend with the family, blah, blah. And then boom, you catch your kid doing something they're not supposed to be doing, or you get some shitty email from work that you weren't expecting Damn, just because you're crushing it here doesn't mean you're crushing it here. And just because you're hurting here doesn't mean you're hurting here, and I don't want any of you to have this ego or this excuse because of this.
Speaker 1:
How you do one thing is how you do everything. It's just not true. What you prioritize is what gets the best of you. What you prioritize is what get the most of you. Let me rephrase this what you prioritize is what gets the most of you. What gets the most of you is what should get the best of you. And in order to give it the best of you, this is where this is where I think the phrase could come into play. But how you give the things you're giving the most of you the best of you is by showing up consistently for yourself, regardless of what's going on in all other areas of your life, meaning whatever needs to happen for you to be strongly connected spiritually, to be strongly grounded in a good, healthy eating routine, to be strongly grounded in some exercise, to be strongly grounded in your relationships whether it's spouse or kids, or friendships or family, doesn't matter. Relationships to be strongly grounded there. Whatever works for you to do. That is how you're gonna be able to consistently show up as a best version of you for the things that are getting the most of you, and the most of you will always go to what you prioritize.
Speaker 1:
There's nobody at all listening to this that is, accidentally outside of their own permission, giving attention to things that they shouldn't be Meaning. Anybody that's giving too much time and attention to things thinking man, I wish I just had more time for make it. Anybody that's giving too much XYZ here, making the excuse that it's not your fault and or responsibility to take the change. You're wrong. You are prioritizing those things. You are prioritizing stuff that you wish you weren't doing. You are prioritizing this over this.
Speaker 1:
You cannot prioritize everything equally, ever period. You only have a hundred percent. Imagine yourself as a battery. You only have a hundred percent to give in 24-hour period. If you give 20% to your kids and 20% to your wife and then you give 60% to your job, that was your choice. Not saying it's wrong, but that was your choice. If you give 10% to your kids and 10% to your spouse and 80% to your job your choice. If you give 20% to alcohol and 10% to porn and 10% to eating shitty and you only have 50% left to split between all the things that really should. That's on you. Nothing that you're giving your attention to and your time to is happening outside of your own will. You're making the choice.
Speaker 1:
What you prioritize gets the most of you. Whatever you're doing right now is what you're prioritizing. Whatever's on your calendar this week is what you're prioritizing. Whatever's not on your calendar this week is exactly what you're not prioritizing. This is simple. People overcomplicate this all the time in their heads because they want the excuse of it's not my responsibility. Something has to change externally for me to change internally. Wrong. Everything has to change internally in order for anything external to bear fruit, and so whatever's on your calendar is what you're prioritizing. What you prioritize is getting the most of you, and whatever's getting the most of you should at least get the best of you. How you do everything is not how you do. One thing is not how you do everything. I'll see you guys next time.