Navigating Life's Losses and Fortifying Bonds: A Dialogue on Connection and Commitment in the Face of Adversity W/ Clifton Muckenfuss | Ep 98

Speaker 2: 0:01

Welcome to Never Stop Building, where we discuss all things business growth and leveling up to become the most elite version of yourself. We're here to challenge fear and shatter doubt.

Speaker 1: 0:13

Let's dive in.

Speaker 2: 0:17

Welcome back everybody to Never Stop Building. I'm your host, sam Kaufman, as always, incredibly grateful to be here with you today. Whenever you're listening to this, I'm talking with you. I've got Clifton Muck and Foos back on almost a year to the day later, as he just informed me. To be honest, I, honest to God, I thought that was like three months ago. It really doesn't feel like it was. I mean, I had no idea it was a year. But full transparency, guys like Clifton and I are just going to do what Clifton and I do and just have a Sam and Clifton conversation and you get the honor and privilege of listening to whatever God delivers through us in that conversation and my prayer is that it impacts you in some way.

Speaker 2: 1:03

So, clifton, I thought about you this morning. I almost posted a story on my Instagram tagging you. I have the picture actually still on my phone. I just got distracted. It's 24 degrees in my car and I almost tagged you on Instagram and said hey, man, send me some real estate listings. We're moving down there. This is not working. This is never going to work. It's 25 degrees.

Speaker 2: 1:30

Because I'm assuming the temperature with you is like I don't know 82,. Sunny, beautiful.

Speaker 3: 1:37

You know, man, sam, look, first and foremost, it's always a blessing to be able to spend some time with you. We were sharing off air. It's been a year since we had that initial conversation and, gosh, a lot's happened since then. But yeah, if you tag me in a post or a story and you're showing me 25 degrees, I'm going to probably start to twitch, like my wife does. Actually, though, here in Southwest Florida this morning, at about 430, when I was preparing to go to the gym, it was sub 50. So, you know, it was like I woke up overnight and landed in Antarctica with Dabo Elf, jojo Elf and Buddy Elf. Those are the three Elfs on the shelf in my house. So it's a little bit chillier here this morning.

Speaker 3: 2:32

But, man, look, you know you asked me off air. Hey, I've got many different ways we could take this conversation, and I believe, sam, that you and I share one thing in common. We share many things in common. One thing we share in common is sometimes we just go into a conversation, go into a event, go into a speaking opportunity with some background and with a plan, but then it's just like God moves through you and takes you somewhere else, and so I think that's how this conversation will unfold, and I'm totally cool with that. I think that whatever we talk about, the people are going to get some value.

Speaker 2: 3:11

I don't disagree at all. All right, cool. So here's what I want to ask you. Then there is a story I want you to tell on this episode. If we get there, we get there. If we don't, we do. You know exactly the story, but what I really like I actually haven't asked you this yet and this is what I want to ask what are you most excited about for next year? Because, like we talk, you and I have, we have a friendship, we have a professional relationship. You and I do a lot of like, we do a lot of problem solving and fire putting out and how do we didn't plant and like, but I never like. I don't know what you're most excited about for 2024.

Speaker 2: 3:46

This is literally for everybody. This is literally my first time asking Clifton this like as one of my closest relationships, so I'm just going to kick back. I'm interested.

Speaker 3: 3:55

It's a great question and it's something that I've put quite a bit of thought into and I'll share it here for the first time Because, you know, I believe that going into a new year, you know, I kind of just we all we talk about a word of the year what's your, what's your word Like, where are you feeling led?

Speaker 3: 4:17

And over the last several weeks God has really placed a word on my heart and I would normally share this next week as I cement my 24 goals, because my wife and family and I are getting ready to go take that, that last end of year trip. But I'll share it here because it's been on my heart and a lot of it is, I think, a result of what I've actually gone through this year, and that word is connect. What I'm going to be about in 24 is connecting connections with people, specifically those that I hold in the highest regard and those that are closest to me, because this year I lost one of the most special connections I had and that was my dad, and he passed away four months ago. Turn my world upside down, but through that, my connection with God has never been stronger, and so I'm being pushed to connect in 24.

Speaker 3: 5:47

My word for 23 was evolve. I didn't know why I even selected that word almost a year ago today. God knew I needed to evolve, and everything I've gone through this year has forced me to evolve. I've embraced that and so you heard it here first. So my word for 24 will be connect. But to answer your question, what am I most excited about? And I think it is to continue to deepen those, deepening those connections. We're planning six trips next year with my family, and if you've ever planned a trip for a family of five, that shit ain't cheap. You know our average trip is, you know, on the low end, you know, 10 grand.

Speaker 3: 6:44

High end might be 20 grand but here's the thing, and I've shared this with clients and I've shared this on stages. I've shared this with you, man. I've built some really cool shit over my life in the business world, built some big businesses, profitable businesses, had a bunch of money, lost a bunch of money. But, dude, my kids, your kids, anybody else's kids if you're a business owner like they, do not care about your business. They don't care how big it is, they don't care how much money you make. Actually, they don't care how hard you work.

Speaker 3: 7:28

And us entrepreneurs and high performers, we're over here going gosh, but they just see me grinding over here. They're going to somehow develop the same work ethic and they're going to continue to just grind themselves. That's actually, I believe, bullshit. Yes, we need to lead by example. Yes, we need to be positive role models, but we also need to pour into them on a level that creates memories, because that is what they're going to remember. I just shared with you my dad died four months ago. Guess what. I don't remember how damn hard he worked. I know he did. I don't know how much money he had. He had some.

Speaker 1: 8:11

But, dude, I don't know how much money he had.

Speaker 3: 8:14

I can look at this picture, that picture, that picture, I can look at this cross around my neck, and those memories are infinitely more important to me than all the other stuff he could have ever given me. And so what I'm most excited about in 24 is that I got some really cool shit. I'm building too, but that's what I'm most excited about because I just realized, sam, I have a son in seventh grade. I got one in sixth grade. I've got a daughter in fourth grade. I got a 10 year old, 11 year old, 13 year old man. That's that time is precious, and when they still wanna jump on a boat with me and go fishing and, you know, come hang out like, I need to embrace that, because God has put on my heart to focus on those people, and my wife as well, and so that's what I'm most excited about. Am I gonna lose some stuff along the way? Yep, 100% Gonna lose. Probably some relationships, that's cool, but I know I cannot lose if I focus on that.

Speaker 2: 9:32

I wanna ask you a question. We talked well, we've talked a lot in 2023, but you actually made the comment to me a couple of times Maybe in passing, or we were taking 30 second timeouts just to vent or which you made a comment a few times this year about how you're like man, like I used to do quarterly trips I used to. You made the comment like I used to prioritize this in like the past two years, or maybe it was three, maybe it's more than half like the past two years. It's just been like I haven't been. I've been all in and I don't think there's anything wrong with seasons of all in on the career.

Speaker 1: 10:12

See, like we all if you're gonna do anything entrepreneurial in any way.

Speaker 2: 10:16

Even if you're not entrepreneurial, if you are ambitious in any career, there will be seasons of like I've got to buckle down. My question being do you believe that your dad's passing made a significant impact in your mentality of like I will eventually get these trips back up versus I'm doing this right now. Like, do you believe there was a direct correlation to that which you've gone through the past four months and going fuck this next year? Not two years, not three years, not when I have X amount of clients or X amount like I'm doing it right now because time is precious and that's happening immediately.

Speaker 3: 10:54

That's absolutely the case, and sometimes people talk about you have these life altering moments, or what was a trigger event, what caused you to go on this health and fitness journey or what caused you to do this. It just really hit me that I, along with a lot of other entrepreneurs, a lot of other business owners, a lot of other career-minded people, are missing some incredible opportunities to really connect with the people that God has put in our life.

Speaker 1: 11:32

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 11:33

And I'm feeling a little convicted, that's all I'm just. I'm feeling a little convicted myself, so please continue.

Speaker 3: 11:40

Yeah, and so it definitely it impacted me in a big way and I've shared this. I still believe that I am going through the process. I don't believe that there's a defined process to grieve the loss of someone there's no SOP. There's no SOP for that.

Speaker 2: 12:05

No.

Speaker 3: 12:05

SOP for that? Because the first, like, truthfully, the first six to eight weeks after that, like I was just numb, like just thousands of decisions being made, still running a house, well, being second in command to the CEO of the house, which is my wife, still being a father and a husband, and all that stuff. Being a business coach, all of that, director of coaching at WinRid, all of those things. But, man, like recently I have definitely gone through some periods of grief, like I find myself driving to the gym on Saturday morning just this past week, just literally bawling my eyes out I could not even get out of the truck at the gym and I text my wife and I'm like please pray for me. I'm just losing my mind right now Because I'm also in a season of pressure.

Speaker 3: 12:56

You mentioned pressure off there. We're also in a season of being tested, being pulled on, being weighed on, and that's the devil trying to distract me, and so you know, so I'm going through that. But, to answer your question, yeah, it absolutely affected me and prompted me to really start taking action. Because there's times, man, like the stuff I'm going through, like I would always call my dad right, he was my mentor, he was a guy, I'd pick up the phone and say, hey, pops, here's what I'm struggling with.

Speaker 3: 13:38

Hey try this. Here's what I would do. Or it's not worth your time, don't pay it any attention, it's just distracting you or this and that Bro, I don't have that person in my life and so, as a business coach, who I pour into people all day long, because those people need, deserve, want, appreciate someone to hold them accountable, to mentor them, to pour into them, to love on them that person in my life was taken away, and that's selfish of me to say because he was taken away from me in an earthly body, right, we grieve and stuff like that. Because, truthfully, as a Christian, because I'm actually here and he's there, that's right. They're, they're being in heaven, like he ain't got no more pain, he ain't got no more brain cancer, he ain't got no more bullshit to deal with.

Speaker 2: 14:36

No, yeah, he. He's in heaven and we sit here going man. I wish he was back here I wish he was back here. He's like nah, bro, I'm good, he's like, I'm in heaven, healthy, happy, joyful with Jesus. You want me to come hang out back down there? No, I'll wait for you up here, though, yeah.

Speaker 3: 14:53

Absolutely. So, you know. You know I do believe that that had a profound impact on me and and here's what I believe because if I commit to that, god's going to make a way for me to earn the income necessary to fulfill that. If I prioritize that Now, if I commit to that and then fall off of that commitment, there may be some struggle over here.

Speaker 2: 15:18

Well. So stay on that for just a second, because I I think you'll be able to articulate this better than most. What does that mean from your perspective? Commit to that, because I think people like look like picking a word and picking an intention and like sometimes I feel like you and I not just you and I our ecosystem, our, our industry talks in like riddles to people where, like they, the buzzword sounds good, but then, like, rarely people can articulate right. So like when I, when I think of like hey, man, if I commit to the word right, god will make a way, the income will show up. Like that sounds good.

Speaker 2: 15:59

But if you haven't lived it like I've lived it. You've lived. I've lived moments of nothing but faith. I don't know how this is going to happen. I'm just going to pray and pray and believe and commit and show up. I've watched like my own companies payroll. We don't have it and we need it, and we're going to show up and pray and we're going to follow up with clients and we're going to commit to doing all the things, but like so my question to you is when you say that, what does that mean from like an actionable standpoint for you and I don't mean like tasks necessarily, but like what's the mindset for you behind committing to that, behind believing in that?

Speaker 3: 16:36

Yeah, a lot of that is is is faith driven. But here's, here's. I want to touch on something you mentioned, because it's so true. There's a lot of buzzwords like, oh, you know you, you got to be disciplined and you know you got to. You know hustle and grind and you got to be committed, and all this other shit. A lot of people talk a lot of shit. Yeah, oh, I'm this, I'm that, and in 60 days you're the same person. You haven't done anything. But you tell yourself that you're going to be committed because you think that's what the other person wants to hear. You're fully nobody but yourself. I got people right now that, hey, man, I'm committed to doing this, and in 60 days you haven't done anything to tell me or show me that you were committed because you're doing the same stuff. And then you're like, well, you know, man, like I fell off over here and you know, life happened. No, that is all bullshit. That is an excuse.

Speaker 3: 17:40

Yes, that means you decommitted.

Speaker 2: 17:43

To me, like the way I've kind of had to like even with clients sometimes, like okay, like are you committed or do you just want it? Correct, because there's a huge difference between and like I've even had to clarify with people before like, hey man, like I think I don't even think you want this. I think you want to want it because you think I want it, or this person wants it, or this influencer has it. I don't even think you want that because you see the work laid out ahead of you to get it and you are uninterested in doing that work.

Speaker 2: 18:17

That does not seem pleasurable for you and you don't want it. But now you're saying to the world, to yourself, to your family, you want it and so, like what is commitment? What does that actually look like for you?

Speaker 3: 18:29

Yeah, for me, commitment means, if I set a goal, whatever said goal is, I'm going to then reverse, engineer that goal, all right, and then I'm going to figure out exactly what in the heck I got to do every freaking day that moves me closer to that. I'll share one with you right now. So, going into 2023, again, I talked about evolve One of my health, and so we talk when I do goal planning. This is just me, but I do personal goals, professional goals, relationship goals, health and fitness goals and financial goals. Did you notice how I financial goals was last? That's by design, but anyway.

Speaker 3: 19:10

But the point is, one of my health and fitness goals is number one. I'm 46 years old, but one of my health and fitness goals was to get to single digit body fat, and this is nothing against anybody that needs any type of help, nothing. But I had the goal that I was going to do it all natural, nothing, no coaching, nothing. I was going to do it myself. I got 11 days, bro, and I got it. I got and I don't know when your listeners are going to get this, but the day is December 20th. So I got 11 days and, bro, I think I'm close. My last. My last scan was 10.8. I feel super freaking lean right here.

Speaker 3: 19:55

But here's the point. I knew what I had to do every single month and I knew, over the last eight weeks I had to then drop my calorie intake. I measured everything, I weigh everything. I've been putting everything into this freaking cell phone for five years. That is what we call commitment. Yeah, that is not. I want to do this. And well, you know I'm going to give myself a day off over here, and you know I want to. No, I went to my daughter's birthday party. You know people. Hey, you know you're going to have some pizza. I'm like, no, I'm going to drink water, I'm going to drink water.

Speaker 2: 20:38

You know I try not to talk about that too much, I try not to go, and it's probably wrong of me now that you say that out loud. I am a big fan of no, I'm not like my kid's birthday and the cake have no correlation to each other. My kid doesn't care, they don't care, they don't you care. Because you want cake, the kid doesn't care. And even if the kid's like dad, are you going to have some cake? There have been instances yeah, hand me a piece. Kid gets distracted. Piece goes over there. Kid doesn't know the. Because the truth is, look, when they're small sometimes they do, they just want you to part. But the thing is they don't actually care. You care.

Speaker 2: 21:29

And the only reason I got passionate about that is because I've toned down by talking about that specific like not eating at the thing, but like dude like yes, the commitment is bro, nobody I've gotten a lot of compliments recently on the body trip but like, nobody actually sees the really like overwhelming Sunday evenings with meal prepping for the week and nobody sees the rolling out of bed at five o'clock in the morning to get the lift in by 6.30, to have to do cardio again at seven o'clock at night, to like that's the. Your version of commitment. Is my version of commitment too. Reverse engineered into measurable, actionable things. And then the only reason it works, in my opinion, is because it's reverse engine.

Speaker 2: 22:16

If it was just get to single digit body fat, I'll see you in 12 months. Everybody you'd lose. If I don't have small wins along the way. Reverse engineer, all right, I want to be at this point by this point. I want to be at this point. By this point. I'm going to do these things over this month, this month, this week. What's the plan for this coming week? And look, I've had like, and you probably have to, but like I've had good meals this year, I've had off diet activity, I've had whatever, like I have, but like I was just explaining to somebody like consistency and commitment is like bro, if I hit 85% over 365 days, I have made so much more progress than somebody who hit 100% for seven days.

Speaker 3: 23:02

That's commitment, exactly, and again, talking about those goals, you know, going into the year, I was going to help, again, help and fitness. I was going to run a 5K every day. Right, I mean, that's 1135.15 miles, I think.

Speaker 2: 23:21

Haven't you done that.

Speaker 3: 23:23

Yeah, so I'm over 1200 already.

Speaker 2: 23:25

I was going to say because you also picked up like a random ultra marathon.

Speaker 3: 23:29

That's so cool. Yeah, I picked up a six hour ultra marathon and then all that kind of stuff. But the point of all of this, sam, it goes back to the commitment. Right, I used to wake up every day at 417. Right, but the Lord stood with me and gave me strength. Second Timothy 417. But after my dad passed away, he passed away, his time of death was 434. So now I get up at 434 every day.

Speaker 2: 23:59

But the point of this is your dad gifted you 17 more minutes of sleep, which you probably needed to be honest with me.

Speaker 3: 24:07

You know what's interesting? I really, man, I never valued sleep. Now I'm just like, wow, it's so amazing. But so the point is 434 in the morning, get up, go through the routine, go through the prayer, go through the reciting of my core values, go through gratitude, go through all of that. I go to the gym, I work out, I get home between 6.30 and 6.45 every morning, get the kids ready, I take my kids to school, I drop them off, I go through the carpool line, I park at the park and then I go run a 5K on the island. I've done all of that by 8.30 in the morning, 8.30.

Speaker 3: 24:49

Most people are like just maybe getting their day started. And it's not about like, oh, look at me, I'm better than you, though. That's not the point. The point is, if you make a commitment, what are the activities that you are going to do every single day to get you closer to that goal, so that when you check that box, championship day, hey, I'm living up to my commitment? Nobody can ever question my commitment, ever. They can't question my integrity and they cannot question my commitment.

Speaker 2: 25:20

No, absolutely not. I do want. I'll just. It's not like a disclaimer, but I want to share just for because I've encountered this a lot recently too, like I've had a lot of after taking this director of revenue positions with Winner-Hate. I've had a lot of free conversations with people because that's part of my job now, which I love.

Speaker 2: 25:42

I absolutely like I get to coach people who aren't clients yet. It's great. But one of the big observations is everybody believes they have to go from nothing to waking up at 417 in the morning, going to the gym, coming home running a 5K, all by 8 o'clock in the morning. And I just wanted to touch on, like Clifton you just said like I've been tracking for five years everything in this funk. It wasn't 2023 getting to single-digit body fat. It wasn't I'm at 28% body fat and I'm going to get that 9 by December. It was like I'm at 14, and I'm going to get, because I spent the previous four years committed to being healthier. So I just wanted to share like I think there's something to be said about the progression of things, but I do feel like people misinterpret commitment for perfection, for extreme, for intensity, and like those are all very different things, just like my marriage right, like having a commitment. You know one of my things for 2024 right now, like I haven't shared this with anybody ever actually I'm not even sharing this with my wife but I'm going to share it here because I want to like declare it, but like I really want to strengthen our marriage.

Speaker 2: 26:58

This mood and the season has been hard. It's been super tough and like it's not you know what, I know you'll know but like it's not bad, but I know it's tense. I feel it like it's like we're pushing and pulling a little bit. We're trying to get the new routines and the new kid schedules and the new work stuff, and she's CEO in the business and I'm doing this now and it's just like, and so in my heart I've been feeling very, very convicted to like I want it.

Speaker 2: 27:26

But what that doesn't mean is all right, we have to go on a date night every night. We have to completely change who we are. We have to. We have to have sex 14 times a day because that it's just like it's. You know what I'm saying. Like you know, to go from tense and pushing and pulling. It doesn't need to be massive, because what's most important is if we can nail two to three things that would strengthen our relationship and this is just where we're at in our marriage but strengthen our relationship with God as a married couple. If we can just do two or three things consistently for 12 months, we'll be. We'll be at a whole new, evolved level. We don't have to rearrange everything, and I think people often want to rearrange everything and then they just fail three weeks into the year and the whole year is shot and then it's nothing.

Speaker 1: 28:15

Yes, but we've been working on our marriage for years. We've been.

Speaker 2: 28:18

We've been bringing God into our marriage for years. We've been in small groups for years. We've been leading small groups for years. So, like again, if you're in a season of like you're looking at divorce, you may need more than we need to get strengthened and like that's okay too. But like we're not in that season, we're in a season of slapping on each other a little too much, and so like we know how to refocus. You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 3: 28:43

Yeah, absolutely, and you're, and you're right, and I think that that's that. That is. That is a great point, sam is? There's a lot of people that look at you, look at me, look at people we run with and our circle, and they're saying to themselves man, I can never measure it yeah.

Speaker 3: 29:04

Right, but that's why we have to, as leaders in our homes, in our communities, in our churches, in our businesses, in the marketplace. That's why we have to stay committed to setting that standard, so that those people can know what's possible. I agree, right. So, and that's a huge responsibility, guess what? Not everybody can carry, that Only God can call the right people to do that Right.

Speaker 3: 29:35

And so and that's something I look at every single day and I'm like you know what, lord, I want you to use me in a mighty way today to honor and glorify you. Help me stay focused on you, help me avoid the distractions of the devil. And that's where I wanna circle back to your comment, because when you got this pushing, you got this pulling and tugging and all that stuff and the distraction man, that's the devil. It's the devil working on you, tugging on you. You feel it inside, but guess what We've talked about before. That's not a bad thing, hear me now. It's not a bad thing if the devil is working on you. It's actually a good thing, because if the devil is not working on you, sam, that means you're already on his team. So if you're not facing adversity, obstacles, chaos, seemingly you know shit just burning down Like, if you're not facing that, better watch out. You might need to get right.

Speaker 1: 30:36

And so Love that.

Speaker 2: 30:38

I love that. That's one of my favorite. I'll give you a today example of self-talking myself. I left the house this morning. Nobody was even awake, mind you. So what I'm about to say is to be even stupider. I left the house this morning a little angry and I got in the car. I'm just sharing, look bro, I just this is, these are my favorite podcasts, these are the best ones. But I got in the car and I was a little angry about a conversation.

Speaker 2: 31:04

Yesterday. I woke up a little angry about it, the devil working right, and I'm backing out of the driveway and I think to myself and this is, I believe it is so important to audit how you think in your head Amen. I thought to myself, man, she just doesn't care. And I backed out of the driveway and immediately, like a snap, I went that's the end of it, Because God would never tell me my wife doesn't care. God would never put that negativity in my head. God would never, ever, ever, put something in my head to hurt me or her or these kids or our life. That's the enemy, Because I'm tired and I'm frustrated and I'm at. Christmas is coming and like, as exciting as it is, it also fucking sucks it's. I've got to go down here and see these people do this at the presence, and every year I'm like I got them too much.

Speaker 3: 31:53

I didn't get them enough.

Speaker 2: 31:54

And it's, and so I was like and then the second, I thought, man, she just doesn't care. What a lie, what a lie. And that's all the enemy gives is lies, man. And it's so easy to believe those lies because they reinforce our fears, our insecurities, our damaged parts, our traumas. They reinforce the things that, honestly, we're comfortable with their truth Because, if she cares, that means I actually have to work a little harder because I'm failing Cause I'm not actually like I didn't handle myself. If it's easier.

Speaker 3: 32:27

She didn't care right.

Speaker 2: 32:28

If it's easier, she didn't cause, then she's wrong. But the fact that she cares and God told me this morning no, bro, she loves you, she's trying to serve you, she's trying to, and you're not being empathetic, you're not being a good listener, you're not giving the space. I was like God. That that's the truth. But if you listen to the enemy, you don't have to listen to the truth. You get to believe the lies, you get to think nothing's your fault. And just back to commitment. Right, you'd like? I remember telling myself for years like my body will never look like that and so it was really easy in the middle of a gym session to. Your body will never look like that. Yeah, it's good to say it's true. It doesn't matter how many sets I do, body will never look like that. It wanna cheat on my diet. Your body will never look like that.

Speaker 2: 33:10

Yeah, it's true, just get the extra serving. It'll never look like that anyway. And then the beginning of this year I said my body is gonna look exactly the way that I want it to. I'm going to manifest this. Whether it takes 12 months, 50 months, I don't care. Yeah, and then like boom changes, boom focus, boom, commitment, cause. God would never tell you that you can't accomplish anything. Exactly. You will tell you hey, it's gonna be really hard. Enemy tells you something impossible. The enemy doesn't even tell you it's hard. It's hard we can handle with God. See, if it's hard, we lean on God. If it's impossible, we listen to the enemy. That's right.

Speaker 3: 33:45

You know what I'm saying Amen Absolutely.

Speaker 2: 33:48

You got me convicted on that one.

Speaker 3: 33:50

You're right on man Like so, so, along those lines. You know I had a moment about a week or so ago and super stressful again. You know all kinds of stuff's going on but I recognize, you know, not today, devil, like I get you, not today, satan. I understand, like I used to not understand what was going on and then no, I understand what's going on. But, you know, very stressful morning, you know, kids were at each other's throats, we were probably late and just, and it just it affected my entire run that morning. Like I was just in a bad headspace and you know this was an exercise, so we go get tactical real quick. And so I got back in the truck. You know, I ran the 5K, got back in the truck and I just man, I just felt just, you know, bad, just not myself Normally after a 5K run in my morning routine. Dude, I mean, I run through a wall, I was just defeated, and so what I did is I did this exercise.

Speaker 3: 34:57

You know that I walk people through like clients will reach out to me, like man, I'm super stressed out, the world's falling all this shit, and I'm like, cool, hey, take out your phone, take out a piece of paper. Take out a writing instrument. If you don't have that, then use your phone as well, but set a timer on your phone. Give me two minutes, set a timer for two minutes, and that two minutes. I want you to write down every single thing that you're grateful for, everything that comes to mind that you're grateful for, and if you do this with the right heart posture, god's gonna reveal things to you that you aren't even thinking about in the moment, that you should be grateful for, and those are gonna come out on paper. Dude, I just started writing. Two minutes is up. Sit there and marinate, man.

Speaker 3: 35:37

I was writing stuff like I'm grateful for power, I'm grateful for my house, I'm grateful for the tires on my truck, I'm grateful, of course, I'm grateful for God's love, mercy, grace and His blessings and my wife, mary Ann, and all of that, but just things I'm like. The point of that, Sam, is it's a tactical exercise that anybody can do that can cost you anything but two minutes of your time, because gratitude and stress and anxiety and fear can't coexist. And so that's some self-coaching that I started doing years ago when I was stressed out. I'm like, cool, all right, pull out a timer, give me two minutes and just write that down. I guess what Mindset immediately changed.

Speaker 2: 36:20

You know what's funny? You've been saying that to me for a long time. The gratitude and stress and anxiety can't coexist. And man, for a while. I don't think I've ever shared this with you, but it really frustrated me as a phrase because I tend to be stressed anxious. I'm like, quote unquote, I'm put anybody that's not watching, quote unquote. I like to operate under stress. Things right, because you get a lot done. It's totally a lie, right? You actually don't operate better in that scenario. Nobody does.

Speaker 2: 36:55

Nobody does, even the best athletes in the world will tell you that focused flow states in the middle of chaos are actually will create the most performance. Not living, not being in the chaos, right, exactly, but I spent some months with you saying that to me, trying to figure out how to prove you wrong. Like I am a grateful guy, I'm just also stressed, scared and scared about anything Like.

Speaker 2: 37:16

I just want to share that with you, because it's funny because that I think that might have been the first time you said that to me where I believed it to be true in my own life Not that I didn't believe it to be true that you were telling something untrue, but that might have been the first time you said that and it spoke to my heart in a way where I was like yay, right, because I actually feel that right now I, with everything going on not bad stuff, just new, different a little scary. I don't think I've ever been as grateful as I am right now. And you can I can almost tell I'm gonna loop this into a question that we might not even have enough time to go all the way into, but I'm doing more thinking more, feeling more, deciding more, performing more. Thinking more, feeling more, deciding more, performing higher, consistently than I probably ever have right now in this season, and I feel better than I have in much easier seasons. I mean very comfortable, easy.

Speaker 2: 38:22

I have had seasons in my career of making very good money for doing the very little outfit 100% oversleeping, hanging out. I had a summer back in the day I played Pokemon Go with my wife and kids like most of the summer instead of like running my business. So I was making six figures and everybody was in place and shit was easy. Now, five months later, everything starts to fall apart. That's the trick that people, that you don't know until it happens.

Speaker 2: 38:45

But my point being, I believe, now more than ever, not that I was ungrateful before, but I think, now more than ever, like a different level of actual gratitude, like, if that makes sense. But I why? I agree what I have found. When I am stressed, when I am frustrated, when I am thinking to myself she doesn't care, I'm not grateful. And so if, like for the first time, I can agree with you, not because you were wrong before, but because I can finally accept, man, I'm not grateful. How can I be grateful for my wife while simultaneously saying she doesn't care about me? How can I be grateful for my kids while simultaneously pulling my hair out saying they're the worst and the sonoring you?

Speaker 2: 39:29

actually, I can't, I can't Now that doesn't mean that it's not okay to get frustrated. It doesn't mean I don't have to be grateful 24 hours a day for every Correct. It's okay, and that's where I missed was like. That can't be true, because, no, it is true. But it's also okay to acknowledge you know what I'm not grateful for you right now you are frustrating me, I'm gonna walk away.

Speaker 2: 39:51

I'm gonna write this list, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna do something and within some time I will go back into a state of gratitude. But when that happens, I will no longer feel this way about you, because I can't have both and I wanna thank you for that and reinforcing it over a couple of years now, because it is a powerful statement Now to loop that, to loop that what I said about the performance and the. I have to bring it up just because it's worth noting. I have never in my life seen anybody go through such a heart wrenching, gut wrenching, difficult. It wasn't a difficult moment.

Speaker 2: 40:38

You've had a difficult year, like, and we don't have to talk every single instant, but like, yeah, god, like qualified you this year. You can talk about like I don't know what's going on for you next year, but God has some plans. Like, there's zero doubt. My question about like, where did you find the grace to walk through losing your father four months ago, showing up as a father for your own children anyway, every day, showing up as a husband anyway, every day, showing up for clients, events, speaking, and like? I know you had extremely difficult moments, but you never wavered on showing up for the people that looked up to you, and most men would have wavered, they would have shaken, they would have fallen and stumbled, maybe not even fallen, but most you just kept walking and like, no matter how heavy it was, no matter how hard it was, you just kept walking.

Speaker 3: 41:48

Yeah, I think that over the past probably five years I've been getting prepared for what I've gone through, what I've experienced, because previously I don't know how I would have dealt with sort of you know the blows. Truthfully, sam, I do. I know that. It's my connection with God. It's the only thing that I can get strength from. It truly is Like I again, every single day, multiple times a day, I'm like Lord. I have no clue what's coming at me today, no clue. But you know what.

Speaker 3: 42:52

I'm grateful for the obstacles. I pray for problems, challenges. People think I'm crazy, but here's the reality. Every single one of those is an opportunity for me to get closer to God. Every single challenge is an opportunity for me to actually experience his goodness and glory. Because, hey, if I overcome it and it doesn't kill me, hey, you had a hand in that, you played a part in that.

Speaker 3: 43:24

I also pray hey, thank you for the wins. Right, thank you for that. But it's truly just been again. I think I'm gonna get that tattooed on my body somewhere. But the Lord stood with me and gave me strength. There is nothing else that I can attribute being able to walk through this year. And when people ask me, they're like dude, how do you do that? Like truthfully, how do you do that? And I said man, listen, my dad always said to me son, I'm so proud of you. And when I eulogized him, there's probably like 350, maybe 400 people in that standing room only and I can't tell you. I would say that if I spoke to 90% of them, 90% of them said man, your dad was so proud of you.

Speaker 1: 44:15

And so that's why I keep fighting. That's why I keep fighting, because I have a reason to fight, and not only is it to make him proud, but I'm so grateful that God has chosen to use me in such an incredible way, despite my flaws, despite my imperfections and in spite of what I deserve. And so, as long as he blesses me with oxygen and RV, I'm going to go do my damnedest.

Speaker 3: 45:10

My best to just exemplify what it looks like to go through the fire, not alone but with him and how I know that's working and how I know that's my purpose is because I've had many people and I don't do this for people to look at me and go, wow, look, man, you deserve all the great. No, I deserve nothing.

Speaker 3: 45:35

But I've had many people hit me up in the DMs comment like dude, I have watched you. I've watched you go through this fire, this valley, and you've inspired me to connect with God. You've inspired me to reconnect with my parents or reconnect with the loved one. You've inspired me to stop drinking alcohol. You inspire me to do this, you inspire me to do that.

Speaker 1: 46:03

And so that's how.

Speaker 2: 46:11

I think that we have to call it right there, because there is nothing. There is nothing that could be added. That would make that more valid.

Speaker 3: 46:24

It's been a uh, it's been a fun conversation bro.

Speaker 2: 46:32

All I wanted to do today was ask you about the boat. We'll end with that yes, details coming, yeah, well, uh, I'm going to have Clifton back and I think sooner than a year. Let's do like a couple of weeks because just man, you and I, you and I podcast. This was good, this is. I'm going to say this and post it. It's probably the best podcast I've ever recorded. Um, chill, disappear, um, but you guys have to hear the book story.

Speaker 2: 47:07

Yeah, let's just yeah, this wasn't the episode for it, but you got to hear the both story. Um, we're going to end it there. Um, this is what I'm going to ask for you guys as listeners there's somebody in your life, uh, there's somebody in your life that's far from God that you know. You know um needs a nudge to get closer. Use this episode as an opportunity for them to maybe get closer and listen to a testimony about God's strength and power and faith. Then this and love um and send it to that person. I don't care if you share this or tag us, that's not important but there's somebody you know that's far from God that needs to be awakened to a life, uh, in Christ. So that's the way it is. See you guys next time.